The claim of true love

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Often times we see people who have been in "long-term" relationships or been engaged or even married for many years, couples who shared a typical "happily ever after" life and who we took for granted and thought to be made for each other, end up silently without a single explanation and we are left shocked trying to figure out why did that happen? They were so happy together and so perfect! Subhanallah! We can only see what our eyes can show us through our visual sense. Being bombarded with hollywood/bollywood love stories, we fall into the illusion of falling in love or being in love. On our expedition to proof our true love we even abandon our parents and set apart for a new life with the person we love! Is that what our concept of love should be? Should we love one another for who he/she is in this dunya - the status one possess, the family one belongs to, the outward appearance/education one has, or may be because that person might have such a great job! Of-course we are human and we cannot ignore these facts that these things do attract us - however, one main component we totally leave out of our equation; this component is to be the primary component and it is: that person's relationship with Allah (swt). One of the thing as been mentioned by Shyakh Hussain Abdul Sattar, that keeps buzzing in my head & have left a remarkable impact in my heart is - "without connection to Allah, you cannot connect to anyone." And that’s exactly what our basis for true love should be.

Our relationship with Allah (swt) would be reflected in all our dealings and all our relationships. Having sincere love for Allah (swt) can help us reach out to His greatest creations – humans. To start with lets think about our relationship with our parents - often times kids become disobedient to their parents and they justify saying that the older generations do not understand. The Qur'an strictly instructs us to obey our parents and love them and take care of them and not a single verse asks the parents to take care of the child. Why? That's becasue its an innate nature of the parent to care, love and nurture their child. So, can we say that a child loves his parent if he is being disobedient? Can we say a husband loves the wife, if he's not being dutiful and not fulfilling the rights of the wife? Similarly, we cannot say we love so and so unless we are there to help that person get closer to Allah (swt) & assist them with what would bring good for them in this world and the next. Therefore, if we claim that we truly love someone we must show it in our act – by showing what we are capable of doing for the sake of Allah (swt) to make that relationship pleasing to Him azza wa ‘jal. What hardships are we ready to face in this world - the reward of which might not be evident in this life? Or are we thinking only of dwelling happily in this life and not caring of the hereafter? How prepared are we to face our Lord on that day? If we are to claim that we love someone then not only it should worry us whether the state we are in is pleasing to the Lord or not and if not we should ask how can we make it pleasing? Moreover, if it is true love as been claimed it should not only gain love from that person but gain Allah (swt)’s love as well – as we have not only found a companion to praise Him (swt) but we also have helped each other and pulled each other to establish better connection with Allah (swt). What type of love is this? This is the love that we have for others for the sake of Allah (swt). That is true love and when we claim that should be our basis of loving one another! There can be no empty promise of loving one unless we help them with what is good & forbid them what is evil, assist them seek the truth, accompany them to seek nearness to Allah (swt). We leave out these important elements when we look for the love of our life and that's the reason in the end we are left with confusion, regret, grief, anger, awe and we keep wondering 'how did it not work?' We forget to keep a strong base from the beginning and start building a huge concrete with a feeble base. The result: just like a huge tall building that is built without a strong base - devastation! Subhanallah!

So, no matter for what other worldly reason we may love someone - the first and foremost reason for loving another person should be for the sake of Allah (swt). The love which is based on the love for Allah (swt) can make us high. In fact, it can make us so high that not only it would bless that relationship but bring contentment and happiness in the hearts of both & help them both achieve a better station with Allah (swt). A relationship where the company helps one another as a source of guidance and where one loves the other inspite of all the shortcomings -that's a relationship which can sustain. It is a love that is based on the love of Allah (swt) and love for His messenger (saw)! If in a relationship we are not able to leave behind our worldly status baggage and not able to submit ourselves to Allah (swt) and just be a servant of Allah (Abdullah) - how can that relationship grow? Based on what ground? Because worldly status are helpful for living in this world and if you can use it to earn some good deeds for the akhira - great! But there's no gurantee!

We might think our job to be the most important thing in the world - but it's not. We might think our so and so degree is the most important thing in this world - it's not! We might think our family values are the most important thing in the world - well it's not! Family values are important but not to that extent when it contradicts with the laws and the commands of Allah (swt). These are just mere vehicles to help us lead a better life in accordance to the law of the sharia. How can one be loved for all such worldly characteristics when the world in itself is a temporary stoppage for us? The first and formost role we must prioritize ourselves with is: abd-Allah - servant of Allah and thus we shall comply by all and everything that is pleasing to Him (swt). Once we have that straightened - other things will eventually fall into peices easily. Often times we are so tight and adamant about holding to some of these values and issues - that we loose track of what are we trying to achieve in the end and sometimes even if it's not the right way - pride holds us back from correcting ourselves. Subhanallah! This is the situation of us these days!

We often share our constrains and put conditions ahead to make love work! Subhanallah! If you truly love - do it for the sake of Allah (swt) - why share your burden when you are not able to bring any blessing? One of the hadith of Prophet (saw) mentions that: "Seven people whom Allah would give protection with His Shade on the Day when there would be no shade but that of Him are: a just ruler, a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah; a person whose heart is attached to the mosques; two persons who love and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah; a man whom a beautiful woman of high rank seduces (for illicit relation), but he (rejects this offer by saying):" I fear Allah" ; a person who gives charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the right hand does not know what the left has given: and a person who remembered Allah in privacy and his eyes shed tears."

So, loving one another for the sake of Allah (swt) would give us a shade on that day – when all of the creation that has ever been created resurrects. Therefore, if you love your other significant make it for a better cause so you may not only reap the benefit in this world but may also carry some of the reward for the next world and have it reserved for that day when no matter how much good deeds we have in our account, without His mercy, it will fall short. If you love someone make it for the sake of Allah, help one another abstain from evil and do what is good, if you love someone make it pleasing in the sight of Allah (swt) and gain His immense pleasure & help the other person boost up their iman. If you love someone who you want to be with - then marry that person and give him what's due to each other! If we bring excuses after excuses in order to fulfill the love of a person - that cannot be love anymore - that would only leave us with excuses. Build relationships on strong and firm ground (not excuses and conditions) - since, as been mentioned earlier, a building that has a shaky base cannot sustain. Another important thing we often ignore is the method with which we try to accomplish a task. We might have the best of intention but we should also be careful and suspicious with the means and methods that we are using to accomplish that task. Sometimes our selfish soul would reason us that "all is well that ends well". Well, Not necessarily! Why? For example, in a math problem, if we have the final answer right using a total different method than what was asked - it will not get us full credit but might get us partial (very minimal) credit - if the teacher is flexible and has some mercy! But to get the full credit not only we need to get the final answer correct - the approach we use to solve the problem (which carries the other 50% of the points) also matters & needs to be correct as well. So, the methods of obtaining that objective is equally important as the objective itself.

One last note to this, i remember Shaykh Abdullah Adhami mentioned in one of his talks that - it is haqq (i.e you perform justice), when you give the person what is in full due ; however, ihsan is when you give more and take less from others. Subhanallah! I just cannot begin to comprehend the depth of this statement. I found this to be so true and so beautiful mashaAllah! As muslims, we should strive for ihsan in all aspect - relationships of all types: friends, parents,husband, relatives, co-workers etc. and we should go beyond just paying off and that would surely bring tranquility in both our spiritual life as well as this worldly life. Unfortunately, today even among family members we try to measure what the other person has to offer. We have engrossed so much into balancing the account in this life that we are not thinking much about the stock (of good deeds) we need to have for the hereafter.

May Allah (swt) give us the tawfiq to love one another for the sake of Allah (swt) alone and help us gain ihsan in all our conducts so we may gain the benefit in this world and the next. May He (swt) help us be of those who not even through their ignorance wrongs others and may He azza wa 'jal guide us to seek His path and be on that path that's pleasing to Him. Ameen!